This is an interesting reminiscence by Swami Pavanananda, a senior monk of the Ramakrishna Order, describing his coming to the Ramakrishna Order. We find herein glimpses of the Ramakrishna Math when Swami Shivananda was the President.

        While at Rangoon, one day I noticed one or two swamis who were looking up at the building where I was staying then. After some days, I saw a notice board put up on the building, just above the footpath. It was carrying the information that a library of the Ramakrishna Mission had been installed in the hall that was just below the upper storey I was staying in. I often walked up and down the staircase leading to my room. And one evening I thought of looking into that library. The librarian welcomed me as soon as I entered the library. He received me very cordially and that very evening made me a member of the library. We became quite friendly after that. I learnt from him that he was a disciple of the Holy Mother and he used to tell me some incidents of his life and of his association with the Holy Mother. But then I had no knowledge of who the Holy Mother was and what he was telling about her and his own experiences.

        On another occasion, while I was walking down towards the place where I was working, I saw a group of young men on the roadside. As I was passing them, someone, who was known to me but whom I could not recognize clearly at that time, suddenly stretched out his hand and handed me a booklet. When I came to my room, I immediately began to read it. It was a book on Yoga philosophy about which I never had read before and had no knowledge of. I was very much charmed on reading that book. It was a book written and published in America, and the author had described very beautifully different aspects of Yoga philosophy. After reading the book, I felt strongly that this was the path for me to follow. The said librarian encouraged me very much when I spoke to him about Yoga and it was he who encouraged me very much to visit Belur Math, where I might be enlightened in this regard and be shown the way how I should proceed on this path. My going to Calcutta was settled and I was helped a lot by those swamis in Rangoon, who desired me to visit Belur Math.

        In Calcutta I got a friend, Nirmal Dhar, a disciple of Mahapurush Maharaj. We came to know each other at the Advaita Ashrama, then in Muktaram Babu Street. Nirmal Dhar took a great deal of interest in me and I was able to confide in him much of what I was really in search of and I feel grateful for all he did for me. We met everyday and he helped me in informing and guiding me in many matters I was then ignorant about. He took me to Master Mahashay and it was probably again he who guided me to Mahapurushji.

        One evening Nirmal Dhar and Swami Siddhatmananda took me to M’s residence, then on Amherst Street. We climbed the long flight of stairs to the large terrace. The moon was only a few days old and a light was hanging high up in front on the side of the terrace. M. was in meditation at that time at the far end of the terrace to the left of where we sat. A number of pot plants hid him from our view.

        We sat silently in the cool evening for a while and then we saw M. approaching us slowly. He stood before us, and we stood up, and he looked at me with his large beautiful eyes, his flowing white beard matching his white dress. He quoted a saying of Jesus from the Holy Bible: ‘Before Abraham was I am.’ And again, ‘Come unto me all ye that labour and are heavy laden and I will give you rest, for my yoke is easy and my burden is light.’ We sat down and he wished to hear something from me but I did not feel like speaking just then. There was a little talk among those present for a while as we partook of the prasad offered to us and then we left. This was my first meeting with M. and my first meeting with a disciple of Sri Ramakrishna.

        Then came that day when I met Mahapurush Maharaj for the first time in the autumn of 1930. Calcutta is perhaps at its best during this season. It was about 3 or 4 o'clock in the afternoon. It was again Nirmal Dhar who accompanied me to Belur Math. On arriving at the monastery grounds my companion left me for a short while. When he returned he told me that I could go straight up and meet Mahapurushji who was sitting in the balcony overlooking the Ganga. He said there would be no difficulty in going alone and meeting the Swami.

I entered the brick-paved courtyard of the monastery building. It was a beautiful, quiet afternoon. The golden sunshine was falling through the window on the red staircase as I went up to meet Mahapurushji, the abbot of Belur Math and a disciple of Sri Ramakrishna. I had little or no knowledge of Hinduism except from what I had read. I was entering a strange, new world. I was then twenty-one. What sort of reception would I get? I was greatly in need of spiritual help, of someone who had the insight and understanding to help me adjust myself in a world that had suddenly become for me almost impossible to live in. Some unseen power seemed to be leading me step by step in my dark gropings, by strange ways, to my destined goal.

I climbed the stairs and passed through the small passage leading to the balcony overlooking the Ganga. Without a word of introduction I went before Mahapurush Maharaj, who was reclining on a large easy chair, and bowed to him. Four swamis in bright ochre robes stood behind his chair. My sudden appearance must have surprised the swamis, I suppose. But the way I greeted Mahapurushji—by bowing down in Indian fashion—amused all, even Mahapurushji, and there was a short burst of laughter.

Mahapurushji was speaking a few words to me, when one of the swamis made a sign to me not to continue longer. I was visibly disappointed at so short a meeting. As I was passing by his chair towards the passage, Mahapurushji turned his head in my direction and asked humorously, ‘Have you seen?’ and he completed the question with a movement of his hand up under his chin. One of the swamis said, ‘Master Mahashay!’ and we all laughed at the way he alluded to M. who kept a long beard. This, I came to learn, was a very characteristic way with Mahapurushji in expressing himself.

I had recently met Master Mahashay in Calcutta and I cannot say if he [Mahapurushji] understood that it was my contact with M. that led me to Belur Math. I left his presence with quite a pleasant feeling. But everything was in a nebulous state. This fortunately was not to continue for long.

My next meeting with M. was a few days later. It was in the afternoon and Nirmal Dhar accompanied me to the staircase. He remained below and I went alone. Halfway up the staircase I was told to enter his room on the left. M. was lying at the far end of the room. He was unwell. He asked me to sit on the chair by his bedside. I sat silently for a short while. M. enquired whether I had been initiated. I did not understand what he meant and so he asked again if I had received a mantra. I told him I hadn't. He kept quiet and spoke no more of the subject. When I took leave I found that Nirmal Dhar was still waiting at the foot of the stairs. When I mentioned that M. had enquired if I had been initiated, he at once told me that it was a hint to get initiated. So the next few days I spent gathering as much information I could regarding it.

We caught the ferry one evening at the ghat below the Howrah Bridge for Belur, intending to speak to some of the senior monks about my initiation. When I reached I got into conversation with one of the monks who I came to know later was Swami Saswatananda. We sat talking on the bank of the Ganga but the thought of initiation did not at all arise in my mind. Time passed very quickly and the lights on the other bank reflected on the gentle ripples of the river. It was time to catch the launch back to Calcutta. There was a happy lot of passengers returning from Belur. Nirmal Dhar enquired whether I had spoken to anyone about my initiation. He became a bit excited when he learnt I hadn't. But he consoled me by saying it did not matter, for he had spoken about it to some of the swamis.

Perhaps the next morning, the manager of the hotel in which I was staying told me I was wanted on the phone. The call was from Belur. I was informed that my initiation would take place that morning.

        Fortunately my friend appeared just then. I had bathed and together we went to the flower and fruit stall nearby for some fruits and flowers, for I was to take these along with me. I reached Belur about 10.30 a.m. and sat on the large bench on the verandah facing the courtyard. I remember the swami in the Math office who was just on my right making kind enquiries. It was sometime after that I was taken up to Mahapurushji's room. I was asked to sit on a thick white woollen carpet on the floor below his bed. Mahapurushji was very old and unwell at this time. He looked very grave as he sat on his bed. He repeated the mantra bit by bit and told me to repeat it after him till I could say the whole correctly.

        When I left the room I entered the office opposite where Revered Buddha Maharaj sat at his desk. There were others also in the room. Dr. Ajit Ray Choudhury, a well- known figure in the Math who was attending on Mahapurushji, was sitting on a mat on the floor. He invited me to sit beside him. Suddenly one monk came from Mahapurushji's room and told me, ‘Go and give your guru-dakshina to your Guru.’ I returned quickly to Mahapurushji's room and found him sitting on a chair. I placed in his holy hand a few rupees I had in my pocket and these he very graciously accepted.

        When I visited the Advaita Ashrama in the evening I was told by the monks there that I should have taken my lunch at noon at the monastery as it is customary to receive from my Guru's plate a portion of his prasada. This I did the following day. I sat at a little table in the same verandah where I had first met Mahapurushji and partook of the sacred food of the monastery and a portion of my Guru's prasada which was sent to me from his own plate. While I was eating, Mahapurushji came out accompanied by an attendant swami. He stood by the table, enquired how I liked the dishes. I certainly enjoyed the dishes. I spent the whole afternoon in the holy atmosphere of the Math and returned to Calcutta in the evening. From then on I visited the monastery every now and then, sometimes by bus and sometimes.

        Once I bought a beautiful large garland of roses intertwined with ferns and carried it to the Math by bus. When I took it to Mahapurushji and placed it near him, I felt a little uneasy that I had not placed it around his neck. But he immediately asked the swami attending him to offer it to Sri Ramakrishna in the shrine: On another occasion I took to him a beautiful bouquet of roses in half bloom. Nirmal Dhar accompanied me. Mahapurushji took them in his hand and looked at them with pleasure and appreciation. Then he turned to me and said, ‘May your life be as beautiful as these roses!’.

I had the pleasure of making the trip to Belur once with Swami Ashokananda, then the editor of Prabuddha Bharata. We went by launch from Howrah. Some monks from the Advaita Ashrama were also with us. The Ganga, that moonlit evening, seemed like a silvery dream. We all went to pay our respects to Mahapurushji. He seemed to me to be in a grave mood on this occasion, as he sat at one end of his bed. His words were addressed to me. He told me with great emphasis to be pure and to serve humanity. He then told Swami Ashokananda to repeat to me what he had said, in case I had not followed him.

I saw M. after my initiation. There were many visitors that evening. A few monks also were there. M. came towards me and took my hand in his. The warm clasp of that affectionate hand has remained with me ever since. He gave me a seat beside him. How happy I feel after these long years to think that I had the privilege of sitting beside him! He was glad to know of my initiation and said that I was now a twice-born, I had taken a new birth.

I returned to my service soon after, but remained there for only a few months. At that time I had a strong desire for Yoga and its methods of living a spiritual life. I was desirous of finding a suitable Buddhist monastic centre in the eastern hills. So, I roamed about the hills. I was walking about when I found a Buddhist monastery far down the hill. I went down but I was immediately attacked by two dogs of the monastery which came barking loudly towards, me. I stood still where I was. Just then two Buddhist monks came out and drove away the dogs. 1 was taken down to their monastery. We sat together for some time and I mentioned that I would like to spend the night at the monastery but I was told that the priest-in-charge of the monastery had gone out marketing and they were unable to grant my request. So I went back to the road and continued my walk to the east. Night was coming on and I could not go further. So I had to spend the night on the side of a lonely hill. The next morning it suddenly came to my mind that I might go to Darjeeling as I had corresponded with Swami Abhedanandaji Maharaj previously, before I had started on my journey, to find a suitable place where I could stay. So I continued my journey to Darjeeling and reached the river Teesta. I had to walk up the hill which was covered with a tea garden. When I came to the top of the hill I saw a large house, which might have belonged to the proprietor of the tea estate. As I was walking towards this house, I met the assistant of the proprietor who took me to his own house. Then he invited me to his room where a bright fire was blazing in the fireplace. He told his bearer to give me some refreshments, and the bearer soon brought me tea and plenty of snacks which I heartily enjoyed as I had not eaten anything for the whole day and was very tired. Then the assistant returned sometime after and told me that his boss had told him that it would not be possible for him to accommodate me at night because it might create trouble for him. So, I came out and fortunately saw a decent looking house. I called out to the occupants and they came out. They were two Chinese carpenters. On request they accommodated me in a comfortable room. The next day I set out for Darjeeling and halted at Ghum station where I boarded a train. I reached Darjeeling station, and had to walk down a flight of steep stone steps. Thus I reached the Ramakrishna Vedanta Math.

I stayed in Swami Abhedanandaji's ashrama for a few months. I cherish pleasant memories of the ashrama and of Revered Kali Maharaj who was very kind and affectionate to me. One day, while staying there, I was asked to recite ‘The Song of the Sannyasin’ on the occasion of their annual function. Swami Abhedanandaji Maharaj presided over the function and with great pleasure I recited that poem which was appreciated by him. One day Kali Maharaj told me that I should go to Belur Math as my Guru was living there, and so to Belur I came.

It was a hot summer evening and many monks were sitting outside. I went and met them all. The next morning I went to Mahapurushji. He gave a hearty laugh to see me, dressed in a white cloth and a gerua chadar, which I had been wearing in the ashrama at Darjeeling. I came to Belur to stay there, but some senior monks were anxious about my health and food that I would be having there. So they were discussing whether I could go to any Christian monastery. But at the same time 1 had a strong desire for Yoga as I have already said. So their kind suggestion I could not accept. Belur Math was the best place for me at that time. When these discussions were going on Mahapurushji was sitting just behind me on his bed, and I was quite unconscious of his presence then. For a while there was a lull in the room and suddenly Mahapurushji broke the silence and said in a strong clear voice, ‘Stay here!’. With these two words the matter was settled and I felt a sense of relief. I could feel then, that I was now a member of Belur Math and our discussion came to a happy end for me. As I was now staying at the Math, Mahapurushji desired to give me a new Indian name and told his sevaks to find out a suitable name to Mahapurushji's satis­faction. But a day or two later, Sailen Maharaj, one of his sevaks, conveyed to me the good news that I was given the new name ‘Shambhu’ by Mahapurushji himself. It seemed that this name satisfied everyone. During our Brahmacharya when we were given a Brahmacharya name by Swami Akhandanandaji Maharaj, the then President of our Order, I was also given a name, but Chintaharan Maharaj told Revered Gangadhar Maharaj that I had already been given a name by Mahapurushji and so there was no need to change it. And Revered Gangadhar Maharaj agreed. So I remained ‘Shambhu’ as I was known before.

While staying at the Math I had to type a few letters to persons abroad and in this regard, so far as I can remember, one day Swami Ashokananda Maharaj gave me one draft of a letter written by Mahapurushji in reply to the enquiry made on Sri Ramakrishna by Romain Rolland. That was a very historical letter where Mahapurushji very briefly but clearly narrated his own experience and understanding of Sri Ramakrishna and where he openly declared, ‘I am still living to bear testimony to his great spiritual power.’ It was a privilege for me to type that letter which I still remember.

Another day when I was standing one morning on the steps of the little verandah near the mango tree at the Math, Yogin Maharaj came to me quietly and showed me a letter. It was addressed to Mahapurushji, seeking his permission to celebrate Sri Thakur's Birth Centenary throughout the world. The letter was typed and shown to Mahapurushji. He was very pleased to read it and gladly gave his consent to those swamis who were earnestly eager to celebrate Thakur's Birth Centenary throughout the world. In due time Thakur's Birth Centenary was widely observed.

My first Shivaratri was at Belur. After the night-long worship of Shiva, I went to see Mahapurushji, but the curtain of his door was drawn. As no one was about I tiptoed to the door and caught a glimpse of him sitting on his bed, bent over a pillow on his lap and looking tired and worn-out. He suffered from asthma in his old age. I bowed at the door behind the curtain and noiselessly left. I had just reached the top of the stairs when he called to know who was there. I returned and entering his room saw him sitting upright and looking at me with his face bright and shining. ‘How did you like it’, he asked, and at the same time he kept beating the two sides of his pillow like a drum. His face became radiant with a spiritual glow as he spoke in such an animated and cheerful manner and there was no trace of the tiredness on his face I had seen only moments before from behind the curtain.

On festive days Belur Math was a moving mass of humanity pouring into the grounds all day; there was hardly room to move. The Math premises were smaller in those days and if it happened to be the anniversary of Sri Ramakrishna one could hardly get out of one’s room! From morning to evening a continuous stream of people flowed in to be blessed by seeing Mahapurush Maharaj.

On one such day, the first I had seen, after all the crowds had left and the monastery was quiet again, I went in the evening to see Mahapurushji. I had not seen him the whole day. His room was lighted by a dim blue light. Mahapurushji was alone seated in his chair. I was happy to see him and bowed at his feet. He said to me: ‘This is the blessed day on which our blessed Lord....’ but he could not complete the sentence. His voice choked for a while. I could see in the dim light a movement at his throat. Then with an effort he uttered ‘Ramakrishna’. On such a day as this his heart must have been overflowing. What could I understand then of the mood he was in? But his heart was overflowing with divine love and one could feel the warmth of that divine love. Such are the treasured memories of those hallowed days!

Mahapurushji was very observant about my health. One morning when I went to have his blessings he told me that if Belur did not suit me, I would be sent to Ramakrishna Mission, Deoghar, Santhal Parganas. He asked me if I knew where it was. I didn't. Then he kept quiet. I forgot all about it but the very next summer vacation, a few months later, I was sent to the Deoghar Vidyapith, which was as congenial a place as I could desire. But I felt a deep pang as I left Belur Math. I was happy at the Math, I felt a sadness in my heart as I was going away from the sheltering care and love of Mahapurushji.

It was good fortune to me to come to Belur at the time I did. The extraordinary atmosphere of Belur Math and Mahapurushji's holy and benign presence and love pervaded the entire monastery. Life was full of joy and all felt safe and secure under his care and shelter. Those were perhaps the most blessed days of my life.

The incidents that I have narrated are very insignificant but they are very precious to me. I can’t say what life would have been for me without them.